Toxic World

Mom never sees me for what I am but for what I am NOT, in her eyes. Guess I should accept I will never measure up. The joke is she really truly believes she is a Christian and a "nice" person. Yet she can not give her own son support other than material things. I so would rather have her back me in what I want out of life than by gifting me with things I have not even asked her for. Her negative words cut me, more than she can ever know. My head hurts from the stress of her erratic antics and constant attacks. My chest tightens as she again accuses me of lying or of being lazy or weak, when she knows what my health condition is.

I cannot help but feel these years in my life are a sad waste of valuable time. Oh, what I could be doing with friends locally. My online mates are wonderful, but they are still ONLINE and miles and miles away physically - overseas, down under, on the other side of the border ...

I long for Toronto still and for the kinds of feelings that the people I congregated with there gave me for the most part. Warm and fuzzies. Is this it for me? To end here, like this?
What the fuck is this shit all about? I cannot bear it much longer at all!

MUTTERINGS FROM THE KITCHEN

Lordy, Lord! Being around my mother a whole lot of my time, I believe, has the potential of slowly driving me crazy! For instance, just now she started criticizing me, as I am preparing to take her garbage and paper recyclables out to the curb for pick-up tomorrow. I had to come back to the computer to write and to check on some other irons in the fire, so I put that small garbage moving project on hold for a few ... Now, that would be ok for many people; actually, a non-issue. But, no, not for my constantly nagging. most negative mother. First I hear her talking to herself yet again ...more like a conversation, some mutterings from the kitchen like " ... supposed to be taking the garbage outside ..." blah blah blah, followed five or so minutes later by an outright, "I thought you were taking the garbage outside ...?" To which I did reply that I was indeed in the midst of doing so, but had something to tend to in the living room, on the computer. Her overall downbeat attitude towards things is really challenging for one to put up with, and quite annoying, actually - a very hard pill to swallow. I have been working on ways to handle her constantly cutting words and often nasty and erratic behavior. Though, it is not coming easily. It has been recommended that I block her out, not LISTEN. That is something so against the kind of person I believe myself to be, whom I have long been. The rub is, I've been raised to think that what my mother says is something I should very well LISTEN TO and BELIEVE, yet the believing in what my mother says is very damaging to me in the long run; immediately hurtful. I do not think a day goes by when in mom's company that it can be all peaceful and full of love or respect. It is a one-way street having those feelings.

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life!

Posted on Monday, March 09, 2009

The key to getting the most out of life is to be surrounded by optimistic, positive friends, according to new research from The National Lottery.

Nearly six out of ten Brits (58%) believe a positive outlook is contagious and that optimists can boost the positivity around them, helping others adopt their upbeat attitude and feel better about their lives.

The good news for upbeat and positive singles is that optimism is also a highly attractive trait. Us Brits would much prefer the company of positive people (52%) such as eternal optimist Del Boy Trotter over professional pessimists such as Victor Meldrew (3%). So if your friends are ‘glass half full’ types – you’re on the right track.

But it seems we have a better resistance to pessimism, with only 4 in 10 (42%) believing a negative attitude can be ‘caught’.

The Lotto Optimism Report, conducted by the Social Issues Research Centre explores the nature of optimism in 21st century Britain and finds that despite having a reputation for being a pessimistic country, three quarters of us Brits (75%) consider ourselves to have an optimistic outlook on life.

Would you consider yourself to be a ‘glass half full’ or ‘glass half empty’ person? To see how you or your friends rate on the optimism scale, http://profiler.markettiers4dc.com/

And it’s the traditional things we feel most optimistic about - from family life (61%), personal relationships (53%) and our social lives (31%). Unsurprisingly in today’s climate it’s the future of the country’s economy (5%) and the environment (4%) were the things we feel least optimistic about.

I’m a Celebrity Winner and ex-Eastender star Joe Swash is the epitome of optimism – he remained positive throughout his time in the jungle, despite the numerous Bushtucker Trials and his upbeat attitude infected the camp of celebrities raising everyone’s spirits.

Joe says: “If I had to single out a reason why I won I’m A Celebrity, I’d like to think it was because I kept a positive attitude throughout the whole experience. Staying optimistic helped me when I was missing my family or facing a particularly bad Bushtucker Trial – I was able to focus on the good things like the friendships I’d made and that helped me stick it out to the end.”

For more information visit www.national-lottery.co.uk